This is going to be written in reverse, as a lot of healing has happened today. It had been a few days since I had a trauma trigger but I had some self-hate exposed to the light this afternoon. The result is starting today I am going to have a delusional love for my body in all stages of my progression. I want to flaunt me, because I’m awesome, because God made me and I should be proud of His creation. So much growth and healing has taken place in these recent days and I felt the sadness leave because of it. Look at God, for real.
It’s amazing how much healing comes as a product of resting. Yesterday I was dealing with some stress and did a quick stretch to release muscle tension as well as a quick meditation to refocus and escape my head. Then I took a long hot shower and took some selfies in the mirror to love on myself. Essentially I’m discovering my identity and figuring out things I enjoy, so I’m trying to learn and do new things. I’ve also been thinking a lot about parenting and how this self-discovery intertwines with being a dad, because I put a lot of pressure on myself to be there for him all the time. I need to remember that I can have time to myself and do things I enjoy, like getting tattoos.
I haven’t been tattooed in 7 years and tattoos make me feel good. They’re a spiritual stamp for me and if people are going to look at me anyway, I might as well show them something I’m proud to display. This kinda thing will jump start my self-love a bit, and I crave it. As I continue to sculpt my body I will hit more goals too. I’ve been riding a high vibe type of energy ever since I got this tattoo, that was by design.
I’ve done a lot of cooking and a lot of posting meals on my instagram, so go give me a follow please. I’ve been wanting to cook something elegant or adventurous (read: new) and I think I’ll work that into my meal planning over the next few days.
okay
-nathan