I wrote this blog on the plane back in early November:
Another spirituality post, I joked to friends that I would likely end up learning a spiritual lesson on this trip. Sure enough I learned a few…
What a wild trip it was, I saw some old friends, met some new ones, and enjoyed feeding off Portland’s energy. So many strange and funny things happened, like missing my flight, so I’m currently en route to Los Angeles. I have a long night ahead of me but it gives me time to collate my thoughts.
I got emotional several times on the trip, for various reasons but one was thankfulness, happy to be alive. So many times in the past 2 years I wanted to end my life, and several weeks were spent fighting intrusive thoughts which turned to spiraling. But I always knew God would bring me out of those moments, and here I am, a testimony to God’s goodness.
It’s so cold on this plane right now, but I’m listening to music and just read 50 pages of this Chris Farley biography, it’s helping me reflect.
I don’t have a central point for this post other than God is teaching me patience, something I desperately need. I’m often so in my head in comparing my journey to typical societal standards, I just need to slow down and embrace my inner weirdo. On this trip I did just that, I started conversations with strangers, I tried to be extra kind with people I interacted with, I shared this inner joy I’m experiencing. I miss sharing these things with people, maybe I’ll make more of an effort to do so in my daily life.
I was on an emotional high during the entire trip, nothing could get me down, except for my first night in town. That’s the thing I’ve realized in my healing journey is that bad thoughts still happen, but they don’t define me and they pass quickly. I try to remember that when those thoughts arise. The first night was difficult because I was doing a lot of self reflecting and some big emotions had to be dealt with. I woke up the next morning with a fresh perspective, sometimes I just need sleep and food. I’m really a simple boy, just love me, feed me, and let me sleep.
Wonderful times indeed, I saw so much of God’s beauty in every place I went. I went to my first nba game and saw the Blazers beat the Pacers, a lovely arena. I ate some yummy food at this cool bar with my friends. I did a lot of exploring, people would ask what I did and that was my answer, there really was no end. I enjoy my curiosity and it led me to many good things.
On a food note, I ate keto most of the time and I splurged on snacks a couple moments, and even though my tummy hurt I still enjoyed it.