I will scratch and claw and push myself just to get a boost of serotonin. I will go do things outside of my comfort zone because I feel like trying new things is good, and if it fails then I can joke about it. Often times I’ll get caught endlessly scrolling social media looking for something to distract me from my thoughts, which just makes me anxious and irritable. Lately I’ve been playing netflix roulette or another streaming service where I just pick something off of my queue or something new and watch it without my phone. I’ll make a point to just pick and see where my decision leads me. I’ve seen some great movies and some really bad ones but it got me into mindful thinking, so win-win right? Maybe it’s part of my creative bursts or something. I get so tired of scrolling, I see things, I feel emotions, and sometimes it gets me in a negative headspace. That’s not to say social media is bad, because in moderation it’s great of course and to each their own. I’ve accepted that I’m going to be active on social media because of recipe posts and I like the random conversations with strangers on the internet, so I am not avoiding it. I’m just trying to do other things that interest me and get me out of my head.
I wrote some lyrics for a song I finally finished, well I call it a song but it’s more of a mashup of song ideas, and a lyrical mess but at least it’s my mess. It’s a mess I’ve had in my mind for 9 years, and I’m really proud of myself for getting it written. The lyrics came from some free thought time, the free thought time came from reading, and reading came from a conversation I had with God, another reason to be excited. I still have a lot of tweaking I want to do but the skeleton and structure is there! I’m also treating this song as a live journal, where I publish the rough drafts and build it in sequence. I crave the bursts of creativity, they energize me. There’s the serotonin.
Also getting tattoos is self care, especially when I’ve had the idea in my head for a while. I also painted this week, and cooked a lot, and cleaned the house, ya know, staying plugged in. I also made a new playlist called ZONE which is where I get alone time, turn this on, and just process thoughts and emotions.
I’m tired today, so that’s all I got.
-nathan