I absolutely hate this season of my life, mostly because it’s uncomfortable, new, and I feel overwhelmed at times. But, and this is a big but, I am learning to be content and hopeful for the next season. One of the things I do is I keep myself busy so that I’m occupied with mindful activities, like creating, I love creating stuff! Another helpful thing is I brew a pot/cup of coffee and I explore my emotions, often times that leads to journaling and conversing with a happy God which results in healing.
I just need time to process emotions and heal from trauma by exploring my mind. A lot of healing has been put on the back burner as I navigate this tumultuous season of my existence. I’m finally beginning to settle so that I can focus on healing and do some much needed self care. I’ve made some progress on music projects, I’ve spent more time with those important to me, I’ve done a lot of reflecting and praying, and staying safe. I am learning to be myself and love myself, which I wrote about in my last post.
Praise God for healing and self love, I’m manifesting a healthy life free from anxiety and self doubt.
I feel like God has reminded me to rest lately so that I can heal, so I’ve been doing intermittent fasting but I haven’t been strict with macros or portions during my eating window. I haven’t gone to the gym in about 10 days but I’ve been doing some things outdoors with my son; running, mowing the grass, playing ball, etc. And I never thought i’d say this but I enjoy running, it electrifies my muscles. 19 year old Nathan who was pushing 400 pounds would be astonished. Speaking of pounds, my goal weight is a number that sounds good to me: 260. I don’t have any particular reason for that number other than it would make me feel like an NFL player: 6’3″ and 260 pounds. Just has a nice ring to it, but honestly, I’m finding it hard to get under 300 consistently. I will dip and I’m sure a lot of it comes from emotional eating, which I still do sometimes, but I’m coming to grips with possibly never reaching that number. It’s okay! If I can get to 290 and get skin removal/some plastic surgery I will feel accomplished lol.
I don’t like who I am when I’m competing against myself. I treat my body like shit, and I don’t want to mistreat my body just to hit a number on the scale. When I tell myself I have to weigh a certain number to achieve happiness, I become a problem. There’s no point in this mentality, as I’m trying to practice more self love and lose weight as a byproduct of happiness.
Going back to this season I’m currently in, I’m sure glad I have God or else I’d be dead. I’m addicted to becoming the person that the Lord says I am.
here’s to cookin’
-nathan